My husband and I were in a sexual funk. We were looking to spice things up a little bit. I mean, I guess this can happen after being together for as long as we have.
We talked about some ideas and some different things we could try to add a little fun to our sex lives. After a quick Google search, I found Checkmate in New York City. We applied for admission and crossed our fingers that we would be attractive enough to be allowed to join. It took about a day but we were approved.
So far, I liked Checkmate above the other sex clubs in New York for a few reasons: (1) They only welcome couples and single women. No single men. (2) They carefully screened us before allowing us to enter. (3) They have a dress code and they stick to it. I felt like these rules set this club apart from the others.
Excitedly, I had so many questions. What do you wear to a sex club? What will the people be like? Is it like one big sex party? Will my husband be jealous? We decided to head to Checkmate that Saturday night.
I wore a skimpy black dress and sexy high heels. I picked out my sexiest lingerie and red lipstick. My husband wore a nice shirt and dressy jeans. From what I read on Checkmate’s website, I wanted to ‘dress to impress.’
Upon entering the club, the hostess greeted us, reminded us of the rules, and really put our nerves at ease by giving us a tour of the place and getting us settled. I had no idea what to expect so this really helped. Most people’s only association with sex clubs are the creepy scenes from Eyes Wide Shut. This was different!
We put our belongings and cell phones in the private lockers and grabbed a (BYOB) drink at the bar. The club is very clean and decorated in good taste. We walked around a little bit and then made our way to the couches by the dance floor where everyone was hanging out.
The party was getting more crowded very quickly. We met a nice couple from France and another nice couple from Denmark. We chatted it up with some people from New Jersey. Everyone we met was super cool and respectful. One thing about this party: Everyone is beautiful.
Eventually, we all made our way back to the play rooms. The night was going so fast. We didn’t want to be the first ones in the playrooms but we didn’t want to waste time either. Sex clubs are, like the name implies, clubs where people go to have sex, after all.
We played with a few couples in the playrooms. There was a lot of oral sex and very few boundaries. My husband and I had extensive conversations beforehand about what we would do and what we would not do. We had code words for NO so there were no surprises.
Some people enjoy the exhibitionistic thrill of having sex in front of other people. Others enjoy the voyeurism of watching people have sex. Some couples go to sex clubs to play with each other, while others go to play with strangers. Some parties are designed around a certain theme, like a masquerade ball or bondage. Checkmate has a theme party every Saturday and special occasion parties throughout the year.
Here’s What You Need to Know About Going to Your First Sex Club
- Make sure you’re both on the same page. Communicate with your partner before you go to the party! Both parties should talk about their reasons for wanting to try something new, their expectations for the event, and how they hope the experience will enhance their relationship.
- Familiarize Yourself with the Rules. Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually pretty regimented places. They’re not wild free-for-alls. If it’s a good sex club, the management cares about creating a safe, welcoming, sexy place for people to let loose, so they create detailed guidelines for club etiquette.
- Take a time out when needed. Sure, you communicated and thought everything was going according to plan. But plans change. It’s OK to call a time out to reevaluate the situation and decide if you want to continue. If this is your first time at a sex club it can be intimidating and overwhelming. Give yourself, and your partner, permission to say, “Hold on, I need a minute to rethink this.”
- Clean your mess. Safe sex is expected and encouraged inside the club, but each person is responsible for making sure that happens. Condoms, robes, showers, towels, and personal hygiene supplies are provided. Use a towel and leave the spot clean and ready for the next couple.
- Don’t be creepy. Eccentric is allowed. Different can be interesting. But creepy is fucking creepy.
- Don’t overdo the drinks. Spending all week fantasizing about a threesome, getting to the point where it’ll actually happen, and then realizing you drank too much to do anything about it would totally suck. And, much like in real life, nobody wants to have sex with a messy drunk.
Like everything in a relationship, swinging won’t work if you don’t communicate. And talking about what you did after the fact is the most important part in making the next experience just as mind blowing.
Photo credits: Sweet & Sultry Boudoir
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