So, You Want to Dominate Your S.O.

So, You Want to Dominate Your S.O.

By Anonymous I met him online. Ya know, just a regular dating site. Social media always gives great insight to a person so of course, I looked into him before our first date. Turns out, we had plenty of mutual friends so I felt safe and it made it easier to talk with him. It was very comfortable being with him. After a few dates, it was decided that we were really just interested in each other for dating, nothing long term, and a little more than friends with benefits. Before I knew it, we were talking openly with one another about our sexual desires. I was intrigued. I bought sex toys for our upcoming sessions. As the relationship deepened, he mentioned wanting to be dominated. I told him I am always open to new experiences, especially since working with my sex coach. One night after having some drinks, we went back to his place. It started out in his living room with some kinky fun. I had him face down on a chair and I was smacking his ass. Not too hard of a slapping… actually, he had to encourage me a little until I found the courage to go harder. Eventually, we took things up to his bedroom. We hooked up a little on his bed. I was on top of him. This is when things really got hot. With me on top and him inside me, he started to talk me through dominating him. He wanted me to slap him across the face. I did. I didn’t do it hard. I think I was afraid of hurting him. This was a whole new experience and I wasn’t sure of how hard I was supposed to do it or how much pain he wanted to experience. He told me to hit him harder and harder after every slap. I did. I went from his right side to the left side, back and forth, all while still having sex on top of him. I could feel this warm rush inside my core that was creeping up from my vagina through my body and out my hands onto his face. I started to take over. I no longer held back. I smacked his face with this power. I felt an intense release that I have never felt before. I started to run my fingers down his chest while looking into his eyes with this fierce energy coming out of me. He told me my eyes changed color at this point and that my facial expression changed. He knew I let go. I was talking dirty to him while I kept slapping his face. Demanding that he take it harder. Demanding that I don’t care if it hurts, I am in control and he will take it. I then started to bite his nipples hard. I ran my nails down his chest leaving marks. Back to slapping his face. All the time, he kept thanking me. “Thank you mistress,” he said. He meant it. With what I was doing to him, with controlling how I was having sex on top of him, I was so empowered. It was also scary. It was like I was releasing an inhibition. I mean – there were so many emotions flowing out of me at once. And him allowing me to be this free was absolutely amazing. I was this raging woman controlling this man physically and emotionally. I have never done anything like this. This was sexy punishment with physical pain. Damn, it was hot.

Want to Dominate Your S.O.?

BDSM is not something you can just have a couple of beers and fumble your way through. Here are Nicole’s tips for being a domme in the bedroom.
  • The Dominant Is Not (Really) In Charge
We think “Dominant” and immediately fantasize about power and control and exercising those desires, without acknowledging the reality: we are not the only person here, we are not an actual master or kidnapper or whatever, but somehow that can get lost and we assume that “Dominant” means just that, and the other person is just a replaceable prop that we are playing with.
  • Commmunication and Safety
Has contraception and safer sex been discussed? What tools will you be employing for this specific scene and how can the scene be as physically safe as possible within those boundaries and within that context? While both partners are responsible for ensuring the scene proceeds faithfully and properly, the Dominant needs to be the one to remember to check in regularly during the scene, using the agreed upon safewords and other methods of communication that were set up before the rope was even taken out of its bag.
  • Start Gentle
Start off gently because you have to build up tolerance to impact play, apparently. And whatever you do, don’t use a cane until you really know what you are doing. If you’re the spanker rather than the spankee, you should cup your hand and hit 25 per cent less hard than you think your partner can stand. I do not recommend gagging and binding someone at the same time, but if you switch between the two, you need to switch safe words too. As a domme, you need to trust that the sub will use your safe word – one of the ways you can avoid panic setting in. Knowing you can get out of it yourself removes panic 95% of time. Disclaimer: Nobody was physically or emotionally hurt. This is a story shared by two consenting adults.

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