What is Edging & Orgasm Control?

Sex Therapy NYC

What is Edging & Orgasm Control?

So, what the heck is edging?

Edging is when you are about to orgasm but you are enjoying the experience so much that you want it to last longer so you can hold off. It’s simply a mind thing for women. A woman’s most erogenous zone is her brain so all she has to do is shift gears in her mind and she can hold off on coming too quickly. The time to do this is right before the Big O is about to happen. A woman can let it build until she’s just about to finish and then change her mind, quite literally, so that when she is ready to come, it will be even more intense. The benefits are definitely more about pleasure, but also, from a health standpoint, your hormones love you for it because you will increase the amount of endorphins and oxytocin released by your brain to the rest of your body. Edging is not denying yourself. It’s actually the opposite. Edging is when it feels so good you don’t want it to stop so you switch off and then switch back on. It’s your brain and your body saying, “Please don’t stop!”.  

Orgasm 101

When it comes to edging, you’re also learning about the four stages of arousal, or orgasm. Knowing these can help you narrow down when to stop and start stimulation:
  1. Excitement. Your skin starts to flush, your muscles get tense, your heartbeat gets faster, blood starts to flow quickly down to your clitoris and vagina. The vagina gets wet.
  2. Plateau. Everything that happened in stage 1 gets even more intense. You feel yourself drawing closer and closer to orgasm. This is the stage where you should get ready to stop or slow down stimulation.
  3. Orgasm. A series of nerve and muscle responses occur, resulting in a feeling of ecstasy, increased lubrication in the vagina, and ejaculation of semen from the penis. But when you’re practicing edging, this is the stage you’re trying to avoid until ready.
  4. Resolution. After orgasm, tissues return to their non-aroused sizes and colors, and all your vitals normalize, too. This is also when the refractory period starts. It’s a temporary stretch of time where you can’t get aroused again. It can last for a few minutes up to a few days or longer.

How to try edging

Now that I have your attention with edging, let’s start by focusing intently on what you feel right before orgasming and staying in that stage between plateau and orgasm. The key is to listen to your body and recognize your body’s and mind’s signs. This may take trial and error, and that’s totally cool.
  1. Make your environment ideal. Lock the doors, turn down the lights, put on some music, use an oil diffuser for atmosphere, and so on.
  2. Get in the physical mood. Close your eyes and start touching yourself until your penis gets hard or your vagina gets wet.
  3. Start masturbating. Stroke or stimulate your clitoris, or whatever else you know can make you come.
  4. When you feel like you’re about to come, stop stimulation. Take your hands away or slow down your movements. Take deep breaths or open your eyes, if you need.
  5. Go back to focusing on how or what got you excited. Take note of how your body changes: Do you feel tenser? More excited? Sweating or shaking more?
  6. Start touching yourself again, or masturbating faster. After your break, repeat steps 1–3 again. Do this until you feel ready to orgasm.
  7. Let it go! Allow yourself to reach orgasm. You might notice your orgasm lasts longer or feels more intense. Pay close attention to the feeling and see if edging made any difference in how much pleasure you feel.
Now try it with a partner! It’s pretty fucking awesome. Photo credit: Sweet & Sultry Boudoir


  • Mel Dolan
    January 24, 2020 at 3:23 am

    LOVE THIS SISTER!!! I feel there are no limits to edging, when we can fully surrender into that immense buildup of immense pleasure at the plateau and ‘hang out’ there without the explosive orgasm and it become a full body experience through the breath… takes practice, but so amazing (on all Mind, Body, Soul levels) to let yourself go into those altered states of Divine Bliss! Thank you for sharing!!

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