Want to Love Anal? Your Beginner’s Guide to Butt Play

Want to Love Anal? Your Beginner’s Guide to Butt Play

Despite increasing pop culture coverage, butt play is still heavily seen as taboo. After all, the old idea goes that guys are into it because it’s “tighter” than your vagina and they’ve seen it in porn, and women will occasionally give it as a bargaining chip for a new pair of shoes or save it for special occasions only. While this might be true for some women, assuming it goes for all women is completely unfair. A lot of women try anal not for any dude, but because they’re into it themselves!

You’ve got a butt, but (eh) the odds are that you’re probably ignoring it. Your ass has the capacity to experience a jaw-dropping amount of pleasure, so it’s time to put aside any negative reactions you might have about anal explorations. Whether you’re put off by the taboos, nervous about pain, or just don’t understand the appeal, I’m here to convince that your hot ass is worth pampering.

So let’s talk about how to prepare for Anal Play.

Historically, there was a pervasive narrative that anal sex is something women do for their partners…but that myth is slowly getting erased.

Alicia Sinclair, sex educator and CEO of online erotic boutique b-Vibe

But First, Anal Anatomy

The main areas you want to be aware of are the anus, which is the gateway to the pleasure zone, the anal canal, and the rectum. You have two anal sphincters: one near your opening, and one further up your cavity, which work together to help push fecal matter out. You have control over your external sphincter, but not the internal one.

Poop Happens. No Biggie.

Your rectum and anus are much cleaner than you might imagine. Yes, poop comes out of your anus and that freaks a lot of people out, and makes them hesitant about anal play. No, you don’t have to do an enema first but you don’t want to try it on the first day of a green juice detox either.

The most important thing to know is that poop doesn’t just sit right at the entrance of your anus, eagerly awaiting the moment that you sit down on the toilet. Your fingers are not going to come into contact with a big ol’ turd if you start try to finger your butt. The worst-case scenario is that you’ll wind up with a tiny bit of residue on your fingers, but it’s nothing a little soap and hot water can’t take care of.

Ready to Ease In to Butt Play?

It honestly can hurt, be prepared, and use lots of lube if you want an easier time. At times, it can be uncomfortable. You really have to relax. Like a lot of deep belly breathing and you have to let everything go, kinda pushing outward. Then it kinda stops hurting when you finally relax.

The No. 1 thing…

First, make sure you have some lube handy. Your butthole does not self-lubricate the way a vagina does, so you absolutely need to use lube. Silicone lubes tend to work best for anal action, since they’re thicker and more durable (they’ll also last much longer if you’re in the shower), but this amazing water-based Sassy – Sliquid Naturals gel is specially formulated for anal action as well. Uberlube is silicone with a trace of vitamin E to improve the finish and leave a smooth sensation.

Our anus is the tightest and most sensitive of all our openings.​ It feels amazing when penetrated, but because it is tight and sensitive, you must give special care to avoid a painful experience.

Chloe Gagnon, Odile™ Toys

When you’re getting started, go as slow as possible. Pretend you’re actually in slow motion, and try moving at half-speed. The receiver should focus on keeping their muscles relaxed. You may feel yourself instinctively tensing up, so keep taking deep breaths and trying to release that tension. You’re putting a big thing into a small hole, so expect that there will be some discomfort (the amount will vary from person to person).

Some people will experience a “hurts-so-good” type of sensation, but others might feel “bad pain” that feels sharp or stinging. If you’re unsure what kind of pain it is, err on the side of caution and ask your partner to stop and give you a moment to relax. , Don’t ever push yourself to keep going if it doesn’t feel right. Keep working your way down the shaft of the penis slowly. Don’t start thrusting in and out until you’ve achieved complete penetration, and the receiver is comfortable with moving forward.

Best Positions for Anal Sex?

  • Doggy Style: When you think of anal sex, you probably think of the doggy style position. It’s not hard to understand why. It offers easy entry, control to the partner being penetrated, and a pleasurable angle of penetration.
  • Cowgirl: Penis-in-vagina cowgirl gives you the reins, and the same goes for the anal sex version of this woman-on-top position.
  • Missionary: Have your partner support his body weight with his hands and enter you slowly. Place your hands on his hips to help him find the tempo that’s most pleasurable to you.
  • Spooning: This is a great position for couples who are new to anal sex. Because it’s so comfortable. Spooning helps the muscles of the anus relax.

My #1 tip for pleasurable anal sex is to do it doggy style, and while your man is thrusting away (slowly at first!) use your hand to stimulate your clitoris. If you can bring yourself to orgasm this way during anal sex, you’ll see why people like it so much.

Butt Play

The best toy to prepare for Butt Play.


Above all else, know that it’s totally fine to ask questions in my private Facebook Group, by email, or right here in the comments. If you feel awkward about the shopping experience, talk to me! I will encourage you and guide you in the direction you need to find the right toy for you.

Nicole Buratti is an internationally recognized Sex Expert. She is the creator and author of The GEMMA Method®, a sex writer and speaker. Nicole is available for private sex, dating, and relationship coaching. Connect with her HERE.

Ready to learn more? Want to be a guest on my show?  Let’s TALK today!

Have a SEX question you want answered on the show or on my Facebook Live? MESSAGE me here.

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