Anal Sex: How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Anal Sex?

Anal Sex Questions Answered

Anal Sex: How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Anal Sex?

Dear Sex Talk,

I really want to try anal sex but I am afraid to bring it up to my boyfriend. How do I talk to my boyfriend about anal sex?

He might think it’s dirty or that it’s too kinky. Plus, I’m scared that he will freak out if he thinks about how messy it can be.

I’ve never had anything go in there and I’m really worried that it will hurt me. But for some reason, thinking about anal sex really turns me on.  

Help Sex Talk, I really am curious about anal sex but I am so nervous too!


Butt Curious

Dear Butt Curious,

Anal Sex has gotten a bad rap in years past but the truth is that anal sex is just like any other sexual act between two consenting adults. Sure, there’s still a stigma because it’s still considered taboo. But whatever… It’s still getting popular.

Because people continue to think of Anal Sex as something that is taboo or shameful, we’ve gotten really used to making it into a secretive and ‘dirty’ topic.

But talking about exploring anal can be easier than you think. 

Start with the basics: For openers, try something easy like, ‘What are your thoughts on anal sex?’ Or maybe something like, “I was wondering how you felt about spicing things up a bit….’ 

From there, you can register each other’s interest levels and talk about it in more detail. Or, if it’s better for you and your partner, you can begin to explore that end. 

Easy ways to begin to tantalize the anus include exploring it, touching it, and placing fingers inside. This can become a pre-cursor to any anal intercourse activity. 

Anal Sex Facts

Things to know:

The truth is that many people are nervous about engaging in anal activity. However with the right understanding, you can understand how to make it safe and enjoyable for all parties involved.

  1. When it comes to anal sex it’s important to know that lube will be your best friend. 
  2. Anal sex is not dirty. There is no left over fecal matter in your anal cavity. Therefore, exploring sexual sensations in the anus does not mean that you will get brown stuff all over. (residue is possible but nothing a little post-sex hand wash can’t get rid of)
  3. Removing the stigma of anal sex is a big part of becoming comfortable with exploring it with your partner. Remember, talking about anal can become as simple as talking about vaginal sex, blowjobs, and masturbation. Removing the taboo between you and your partner is so important for making it work!
  4. In order for anything to be placed in the anus, you need to relax – clenching of the anus happens when we make our body feel tense or restricted. This also happens if we feel nervous or scared in our mind. Understanding how much your thoughts will dictate your enjoyment is key to making anal sex part of your practice. So relax, breathe deeply and get ready!

Anal Sex Prep

There are amazing sex toys and tools that easily aid in anal exploration. My favorite is the Anal Plug Dilator by Odile® that helps you increase the girth inside the anus in super small increments. It’s completely safe and an easy and pain free way to explore and expand the anus, priming it for anal sex!

Butt Play

Anal Sex Resources

Want to read more on Anal Sex? CLICK HERE
Want to listen to my Anal Sex Podcast? LISTEN HERE
Want to know more about Anal Orgasm? READ HERE


Nicole Buratti is an internationally recognized Sex Expert. She is a sex writer and speaker. Nicole is available for private sex, dating, and relationship coaching. Connect with her HERE.

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